Category Archives: Uncategorized

Watch “South Indian Girl Dancing In A Temple Festival” on YouTube

This girl has such a beautiful energy and spirit about her. Love the way she moves!

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Soulmate

Some people spend their entire lives
Trying to find a love like ours.

Always just to turn up in lies
Of relationships with nothing
To offer the mind and soul.
Putting in years of hard work
Just to end up endlessly hurt.

Blessed and lucky
To have found a love like ours
So young, so true.

Comforted in your arms,
I’ve found a place to call my own…
A place called home.

Home in your arms
Home in your heart
Gives me peace in my mind
Gives me peace in my soul.

Inspired by your mind
Inspired by your words
Inspired by your actions
Inspired by your very soul.

My soul has found its mate.

10/24/2012

Avoidance of communication

Its very difficult to try to not text, call, or contact someone when you want too, even if its just to respond and say you’re wrong or I hope all is well, even when you know its harmful in your life or that they do not want you to contact them or even if you’re just waiting to see how long they can go without talking to you.
The second you read anything or hear anything, especially if its directed to, near, or about you… your brain automatically retaliates a response. It may not be the response you end up verbalizing or sending but it existed, even if just in your head alone.
Its only human nature to want to send these things to people. Its especially tempting to send people texts, messages, and phone calls when you know they prefer you to be less in their life, or in worst case not at all. There are so many things that long to be said, whether out of anger, jealousy, hate, nostologia, sadness, or grief. These are the things we wish we had the time or ability to express or even unexpress when we had the time.
Some people get scared of passion in others, while some are lost without a passion in someone. Some people still make certain relationships more than relationships… they make them life lines. These are the people who have every right to cut us off every once in a while. Eventually, you might suck their well dry. If you take too much or give too much there is an unequal balance in the relationship that can have a noticable tension feeling to it.
Sometimes we have to take people out of our lives, instead of being taken out of someones life. Both decisions should be respected, as easily forgotten as this is nothing anyone ever does is because of you. We all live in out own individual worlds and do the best we can to manage it and our perception of it. We do the things and say the things we do because we decide they will benefit us in the end more than it will harm us.
When we take these people out of our lives, it is not to be mean or do something to intentially harm the other, but to benefit the self at all cost. Survival of the emotionally fittest in this day and age where stress might be the biggest struggle. This decision needs to be respected because for most, it is not easy to ask people to leave your life, and most assume the response will already not be pleasant so why make it any more unpleasant. Anytime I’ve ever cut someone out, all I’ve ever wanted to do was call them because I felt so bad and say I miss you. And I do. Miss them. And I shouldn’t call. And I don’t… sometimes.
Hey, we live and we learn right?

-J, piece of a yin

Why Facebook is being used wrong

Frequently finding myself wishing there was more adult and mature people in the world. Every day I hope to meet and find people more like me and when the opposites at play, I tend to get down. I don’t enjoy interacting with people who cannot control their behaviors and words. People who act impulsively when upset are some of my biggest pet peeves…

But I think my biggest pet peeve is when someone tries to avoid a conversation but still be starting drama at the same time. This is why facebook is many peoples biggest enemies. People stalk other peoples profiles because so many people post too many personal things, that are no ones buisness, or even justified statements about someone else. Then you can see all the things people wish they were strong enough to say to you and you can see who all likes the blatent out right comment about ones such self and know exactly how people feel when they’re too chicken shit to do anything but smile to your face.

This is the definition of disrespect. On both parties end. Facebook should be used for things much less trivial then this. To keep in touch with friends who you don’t have time to call or check in on all the time, facebook gives you access to ignore your friends while giving you permission to see all the things they’re doing and the thoughts they’re willing to post. You can tell an awful lot about somebody by what they put on facebook. And you can also tell a lot about someone by the persons status’ they like the most of… don’t be flattered and think they may really enjoy those bitter sweet words, they’re probably just lurking your page hoping to get a little closer to your heart because they wouldn’t give you much more than an hour max of the day otherwise.

But hey… I guess you really needed the world to know whatever you posted earlier… whether you love your boyfriend or cat or just took an amazing poop… apparently it was important to get off your chest.
I think more people need to be writers and take up writing as a healthy alternative to negative passive aggressive bashing on Facebook.

End my rant… well I feel better after not posting this to Facebook.

Waiting For Spring, Or, The Moon Is In Free Fall

I very much appreciate this post. I go through a depression most winters and find solace in autumn and the moon. The moon is a lover of mine that comes and goes, changing like the tides. Free falling… free flowing too. I find peace in knowing the moon comes out everynight to light my feet as the sun kisses the earth goodnight. Beautiful friend the moon is.

The Belle Jar

It’s almost four thirty in the afternoon, a month after the winter solstice, and the sky is still that bright, brittle cold-weather blue.

I can hear birds chirping outside my bedroom window. The noises they’re making are quiet, contented. Like me, they are settled in for the long wait until spring.

These days, spring seems like a dreamy idea I read about once a long time ago. It doesn’t just seem unreal, it seems like a childhood myth that I never quite gave up believing in. I keep clinging to this idea that things will be better, soon, soon, any day now. Waiting for spring is like my own personal religion, with all its accompanying rites and rituals. Except these days I’m dabbling in atheism; I’m not sure if I quite trust in this god anymore.

I’m not sad. I’m just in that funny suspended animation that happens this time…

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Apologies

“Don’t be reckless with other peoples hearts. Don’t put up with people who are reckless with yours.” Jimi Hendrix

“The biggest coward of a man is to awaken the love of a woman without the intention of loving her.” Bob Marley

Both these quotes have a lot to do with what I want to talk about today. Romantic Love. And being shown it.
We all see love everywhere we go, and we think about it, fantasize and dream up fairy tale scenarios till we think we got it right. But who showed you romantic love first? Why did they show you love and did they keep their promise?

In my case I was shown a different kind of adult love before anyone deserves to, and then was shown my first romantic love. My first romantic love had to deal with the reprecussions of what had happened before him… which shouldn’t even be possible so everything seemed a product of my own actions by choice not as a result of my enviornment and past. I can not control what happened in my past but I can start to take real control in my life. Taking real control in my life starts with taking control of my body and not giving into sex because it feels good enough and why not… this is about respect now.
This is how I will fix the little girl inside me crying to be loved in the right way. I will respect myself and my intuition and the little girl of my past so damaged from a love that should have never hurt.
To those who understand what I’m talking about or this feeling… I am sorry. For all those who never said it to you, I am sorry you were put on an endless spiraling search for love and all the while being scared of it.

The romantic love that came next was some of the happiest moments of being a teenager and seeing how good love can feel. Then in a series of unfortunate cicumstances a restraining order got put in place by some overbearing parents who had no idea what their little girl had already experienced.
This whole experience left me confused and especially not sure who to trust, my parents who unknowingly abandoned me and left me open to reckless abuse from a “safe” person or my love who had never hurt me. Of course I stuck to the love I had never been hurt by.
The love to this day still can’t be found there. My parents forced them to find their love elsewhere while forcing me to see an unreasonable side of love that hurts more than harms. The side that is blind and stays blind. Blind to anything it doesn’t want to believe or see. If you don’t think it exsists or is possible, it never will to you.
I now run from every real commitment I’ve ever been shown and cling desperately to powerful healthy love so much I might scare it away.
Now because I know I am damaged, until I can feel safe in my own head and heart, alone and sober, I refuse to take care of anyones heart because it would be reckless abandonment and I wouldn’t want that on my head.
I’m sorry for the wrong I’ve done and may still do. I never mean to harm another.
“As am I so are others”, having this thus defined you shouldn’t harm others as you wouldn’t yourself.

Trying to truck along… one love.
-J

Give and Accept

Friends. I wonder how people make them. Who approaches who first in your circle. I like to approach people first but its always nice to be approached too. For me everything in life is give and accept and it should be. I feel the word accept is more proper because if its a gift, you receive and accept it… you do not take it. ‘Taking’ so much implies a feeling kind of like stealing and that is not what is being done. Its receiving a gift. I like to give as much as I receive enjoyment out of surprises and compliments. Relationships should be a give and accept. “Give some love, accept some love.” Maybe we should all take on this motto of give and accept. Any word could be substituted for love but love is fitting because any gift is truely a gift of love.

Thought for the day.